What do you think of when you hear "dance company?"

Asian people in spandex unitards?



Tosh.0?



Despite what you may think, not every dance company will make you feel like you just dropped 5 hits of acid.

That being said....

The world has become an enormous battle royale to grab your attention. Companies spend millions researching market trends and social patterns, artists use pyrotechnics and scantily clad dancers, TV shows use sex, drugs and scandal. It's all smoke and mirrors and endless gimmicks to convince you that you need what they have, but every once in a while there comes along something that is presented as is, because it needs no market research or polish or ribbons or fireworks for people to desire it. This is exactly what the New York based "Movement Workshop Group" does.



Combining a multi-cultural mix of some of the state's most outstanding talent with extraordinarily poetic choreography, the Movement Workshop Group has created "Racine D'or" a tale of community and spiritualism. Founded by Leslie Guyton and choreographed by Stephanie Jingle, this story is an observation of the push and pull of the spirit world on a group of young friends who find themselves becoming the subject of the devils interest. Beginning innocently and quickly burrowing down into the darkest parts of the human condition, this show is a violent blur of the effects of following the little devil on your shoulder that says "it's ok, just do it, it's not going to hurt anyone".

Movement Workshop Group is creative and original without resorting to weirdness to catch your attention. The story is finely presented with an elegant counterpoint of dance movements carried by authentic Zydeco music played by Grammy nominated Cedric Watson and engrossing narratives told by Colin Summers.

No, these dancers don't live off of unicorn farts and chocolate coins. These men and women work themselves to the bone to dance for a living, some having 13+ hour days, 6-7 days a week, and no they don't get paid for rehearsal time. Their project needs $12,000 in order to actually work and every dollar they receive from generous people who are interested in helping this artistic vision. They are currently accepting donations even anyone who wants to help pass the word on to friends and are looking forward to future audience members when this show begins its national tour. Please at the very least, take a look and get a little glimpse of this fantastic artistic undertaking, pass it on to a friend or dance enthusiast or even donate a couple bucks and help this project fully bloom.

Movement Workshop Group

Do my Taxes!

How are those resolutions coming? Lost twenty pounds yet? Start "Fifty Shades of Grey" yet? Win a Nobel Peace Prize? Yeah, me neither. Let's forget about all that anyway, we have all year! What is coming up soon? Taxtime, or as us musicians like to call it "How-much-can-the-IRS-rape-you-time." Woooo. Yeah we're screwed. It should not be overlooked, however, that often times in history during the darkest hours a little inspiration has sparked the once defeated souls of men only to have them rise up to glory and overcome impossible obstacles. And if you, like me, have made the genius choice to make noise with a piece of wood for a living and actually expect people to pay for this, (the scientific community calls it "playing guitar"), you may find yourself trying to come up with creative ways to lighten the load that is about to give you Spina Bifida (look it up, you'll understand.) for the next four months and make you live off of Ramen Noodles and goat urine.

What ever could this inspiration be, you ask? I'll tell you. It's time to get really damn creative with your tax write offs and I am about to throw you the five most epic, ridiculous write offs that have ever been written off. Ever. If these old rich white men can get away with this crap, then so can you! Let's do this. To make this blog even more fun, I want you to try and guess which of these deductions were legal and which ones were illegal. The answers will be at the bottom.

5. Saying this first man wasn't technologically savvy would be as much an understatement as saying World War II was a disagreement. He adamantly refused to have a computer, a phone or an email address. However, having this anti-techno attitude makes having a business pretty damn difficult. So, without the use of modern communication, how do you communicate with your business partner who lives miles and miles across the city in Phoenix? Anybody? Eh? No brainer! Carrier Pigeons! But pigeons don't feed themselves. Or clean themselves. And sometimes they like to watch "Yo Gabba Gabba", so he added up all the expenses associated with the care of the pigeons over the year and wrote it off.

(I am ready for battle, sir.)

4. Once upon a time, on the Jerry Springer show, there lived a "princess" (stripper) who "danced"(stripped) in a beautiful garden (strip club). She was, how you say, completely disproportional. No, she didn't look like Sloth from the Goonies or have octopus tentacles for limbs. She did, however, pay a five digit sum to have 56FF implants. She made a $2,088 deduction on her taxes one year for how much her wolly mammoth-like mammaries depreciated. She argued that her income at the strip club directly correlated with the size of her boobs, therefore, they were a business expense.

("I just don't understand why they can't my inner beauty....will ever find a man who loves me for me")

3. This next person may have very well been smoking something. The very responsible "entrepenuer" decided it was time to join the ranks of the tax paying adult world. So he made sure that he calculated honestly and deducted everything he could, including the yearly maintenance expenses of his massive field of marijuana. Oh yes he did.

(yeah, man, I uh.....I'm like really into the whole like....essence of being responsible)

2. A hip replacement. You work hard, you lift heavy things your. Your tendons and joints begin to take some wear and tear. It seems only fair that the IRS would let you deduct the cost of the surgery to turn you into a bionic man so you can keep working. But this rule does not also apply to your dog. Yes, some dude wrote off his dog's hip replacement.

(here is your dog, all fixed up, we added some extra "enhancments"...some NO2 boosters and photon lasers)

1. So a guy went to sperm bank repeatedly for a year. He thought that despite the fact he was already getting paid for his "deposits", the sperm that he lost each time was considered a deductible expense. All those little twinkles in his eye were like miniature children. Yes the number one most ridiculous write off ever is a man's own sperm .

(um....so where are you guys from?)

5-Legal. Although he was carefully inspected, because he truly did not and had not ever used any modern means of communication (EVER!) the pigeons were legit. That's right, brotha, stick it to the man.

4-Legal. She took the IRS to tax court and actually won! Because her income at the strip club was directly correlational to how big her boobs were, the court ruled it as a business expense.

3-Illegal. Haha, yeah right, are you kidding? His house was raided and all of his things were taken. This would be one case where it's better not to report anything and take your chances.

2-Illegal. The man claimed the surgery was for a "dependent". Not happening, buddy. This didn't even make it to tax court. The CPA had a good laugh and said, "hell no".

1- Illegal. The IRS had to use everything in their power not to Chuck Norris this dude in the Mommy-Daddy button. No more kids for you.

Start the New Year with some Insanity

No I didn't make any workout resolutions with Sean T. and no, I haven't become Winona Ryder in "Girl Interrupted". But I did play a show with my band, The Piranhas, and got the audience so worked up it ended up looking like the basement in Jeepers Creepers.

Jake and Al's was stuffed with patrons, laughing, dining, talking and thinking up resolutions they will probably break two weeks into 2013. The stage had been set. The soundcheck complete. The amps had a feint buzz, anticipating the metallic crunch of human hands gouging out rock riffs. The house music faded into silence. The stage lights melted from purple to blue to green to red. One by one, we walked onto the stage and kicked off the night a southern MD favorite, Steve Miller's "The Joker". The audience was hooked. We received applause after every song, people cheered at our solos and intently listened to our every word.

As the second set was in full steam, we began to pull out some of our harder hitting stuff, like "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Too Close" by Alex Clare. Influenced by a combination of our on stage intensity, an exorbitant amount of hard alcohol and the notion that the world was only moments away from ending, a large group of people jumped up on some of the dining tables and began to dance. Rage Against the Machine + glasses full of beer + standing on tables = oops. Almost in slow motion, like the titanic tilting vertically before its plunge into the frigid waters, the table wobbled and toppled onto the ground, almost a dozen people being flung off, shirts ripping, dresses coming up, beer and liquor spilling everywhere, glass shattering on the ground and screams and laughs rippling out of the falling bodies. The injuries were minor. If there were any major injuries, no one seemed to care too much, the new year held priority over broken bones and lacerations.

I actually got a kiss this new years! WOOOO!!!! Thanks Steph.

(Despite claims to the contrary a scarf does not make you gay. See?)

(Disclaimer; exaggeration)

The third set was the insanity I was talking about. The countdown to New Years had just finished. Confetti was everywhere. Fireworks were being lit and thrown at people.

Anthony (bass) was warping the tone of his Warwick bass using magic he learned at Hogwarts, Mike (vocals, guitars) was ninja kicking girls in the face, Sean (drums) was headbutting his snare drum. The inside of Jake and Al's started to look like an episode of The Walking Dead. Dozens of people were tessellated on the floor, motionless. Three riot patrol police officers were crawling out of the women's bathroom completely naked (someone had sprayed them with liquid L.S.D.). One woman took her 10 month old baby and Tony Romo'ed it into a wall (perfect spiral...oh no wait she missed, just like Romo, the baby is fine!). Yoda showed up.....naked. He is well endowed. Who knew? Everyone was screaming and punching each other, people were being thrown out, some 85 year old couple was making out on top of the bar. Right when I swore that we were all about to die from the same crowd we worked in to this rabid frenzy we finished out last song and breathed a sigh of relief. We had lived. The fourty-thousandth supposed apocalypse had been averted (seriously, people have been incorrectly predicting it for a few thousand years check it out). The crowd was winding down. What a night. New year's of 2013, I will not forget you. Never forget. Never give up. Never surrender. To infinity and beyond. Never let go Rose. I'll never let go Jack.

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