Bring Out My Inner Lyric Snob

This is a continuation/revamp of a previous post from about a year ago with a little less rant and a little more helpful info.

Onto the damage.

Artists in popular music have (for the most part) either have completely forgotten or are just neglecting the art of writing effective lyrics. Why does no one care anymore? WHY!? Waves and waves of crap just keep splattering against our poor, defenseless ears year after year and now we are covered in a thick stew of fecal matter that was once called music. It's not all of the artists and it's not all the radio stations, but it's way too many. Extremely talented producers seem to be doing the heavy lifting by layering these ass nuggets with beautiful blankets of sonic silk until all of the sudden you are completely distracted at how bad the lyrics suck. Apparently all you need is a four to the floor beat and then you can just yell all kinds of gibberish over it and everyone will just eat up your little aural dingleberries like Ferrero Rocher chocholates.

(Mmmmmmmmm.........poopy)

What makes a good lyric? Lemme esplain to you, Lucy. Why should you trust me? Don't. Trust my degree from Berklee.

Qualities of "good" lyrics:

Originality
The song should sound like nothing else. Unless you have a twin you are genetically unique, and so should your songs be. Songs about drinking and going to the club and songs bragging about how awesome you are seem to be a everywhere you listen. Although sometimes these songs are fun they typically have little to no actual lyrical value because of their lack of originality pertaining to the choice of subject matter and the cliched lyrics within.
Singing about a very specific thing that happened in your life is a very good way to avoid bland subject matter. If you had a breakup, don't just sing "oh baby you broke my heart"....of course she broke your heart, quit stating the obvious. Write about what exactly she said to you, how she looked, what you felt, delve down into your senses and pull out details from the situation. When you do that, all of the sudden, you song will gain a uniqueness that no one else has ever experienced.

Perspective
P.O.V. should be consistent throughout the whole song. If your song begins in third person (like a Ben Fold's song) with "he and she" don't just start whipping out "I and you" and change the song to first person. This is confusing to smart people and shows that you don't really know what the hell you are doing or you seriously need to invest in a proofreader.
Cee-lo Green's "F*#@ You" notoriously disregards this rule and still almost won a grammy, so people aren't listening too hard in the first place, but us songwriter's cringe at unexplained shifts in P.O.V. "I see you driving round town with the girl I love" - obviously written not to the girl but to the man who stole his girl. The verse goes on to say "I'm sorry I can't afford a Ferrari, but that don't mean I can't get you there"....wait, is Cee-Lo still singing to the guy that stole his girl? Is he going to buy that man a Ferrari? This song switches back and forth between being directed to the girl who left Cee-Lo and the guy who she left Cee-Lo with.
(I might add that overall this song is actually pretty clever, but read the lyrics again carefully with P.O.V. in mind and all of sudden you go, "Wow, that song doesn't make as nearly as much sense as I thought it did.") F$#% You by Cee-Lo lyrics

Verse Development
The verse should tell a story. The chorus should sum up that story. Each verse should tell more of the story. Verse 2 should introduce new material and continue the story, not just reiterate verse 1 with difference words.

Songs that do this well:
Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter
Still Crazy After All These Years by Paul Simon
Walt Grace's Submarine Test by John Mayer

Songs that do not do this well:
Mambo #5 by Lou Bega
Milkshake by Kelis
Little Lion Man by Mumford and Songs
(Note that I do love this song, musically, and I love Mumford and Sons, but honestly about 90% of the time I find myself thinking, man I love this song....but what the hell is it even about.)

Avoid Cliche Rhymes:
(love/above, baby/crazy, heart/start, phone/alone/home, girl/world, fun/one/young)

Rhymes are a huge part of writing and cliched rhymes aren't actually bad, they were once actually very clever. However, after about five million artists exploited these rhymes, the effectiveness they once had began to loose their luster. The more times something is repeated the less an impact it has from the first time. The first time you watch Inception, you will probably be more excited than the 3,000 time you watch it. The same is true with using words. If you use a cliche rhyme, try to put a new twist on the old rhyme. Don't just say "oh baby, you make me crazy" or "I'm all alone/waiting by the phone" or "I'm so in love/you came from above". It's been done.

Think about what you're saying.
The growing trend seems to be to just try and sound like you are Leonardo DiCaprio in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" just shouting and singing nonsensical phrases, metaphors that don't make sense, much like these little lyrical turds:

"Just a shy guy looking for a two ply Hefty bag to hold my love"
(C'mon Pat Monahan I understand you like metaphors, but you're really stretching it. Pun intended.)

"Hmm thinks, 1, 2, 3, to the Nicki Minaj blink"
(so first off I wasn't aware that a countdown was necessary to prepare oneself for blinking, second, I guess "Nikki Manaj" blinks are better than normal blinks.)

The first thing that pops into your head isn't always a good idea. The original lyrics for The Beatles "Eleanor Rigby" were: "All in a tonguey, blowing his mind in the dark with a pipe full of clay, no one would say". The original lyrics to The Beatles "Yesterday" were "Scrambled eggs, oh my baby how I love your legs". Paul McCartney understands this idea. Fergie does not.

"My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps"
(Fergie. Ew. Beautiful breasts do not come to mind, lumpy, disfigured blobs of cottage cheese do. Please never call anything on your body humps or lumps unless you want people to think you look like a mutant camel naked.)

This post is subjective and technically, there really are no rules to songwriting, but there are certain things you can do to a song to more clearly present an idea inside of your head to other people. One of my professors during my time at Berklee, Pat Pattison, has thoroughly analyzed and broken down all the tools of making effective lyrics into a science. His book, Writing Better Lyrics is basically the bible of lyric writing and I would venture so far as to say it is absolutely essential for any songwriters, beginner or professional. It uses popular examples of very well written songs to help you understand each concept and gives you very fun exercises to help develop your own abilities. This concludes a very brief "lyrics 101". Now get out there and start differentiating between well constructed lyrics and steaming dumps. Let's make fun of crappy lyrics together!

Click below to comment and tell me some of the worst lyrics you have ever heard!!