Snorkeling in Florida

Ok so the gigs went real well. Sorry to leave you all hanging for so long for that last one. But yeah, my grandfather is fine, my mom is fine, the bike is fine (he is still riding, he is hardcore) and we all had a great time down in Fl. I got to try para-sailing, jet-skiing and snorkeling all for the first time, which were three of the most exciting things I have ever done in my life. I recommend that everyone go out at least one time in your life and snorkel if you get the chance. Don't waste your time in the Chesapeake bay trying with the dead seagulls and jellyfish stinging you in the face; on top of its completely bland aquatic life, we've polluted that bay so bad its like snorkeling in a Porta-Potty. Next time you are on vacation somewhere where the water is clear and the fish are bright make sure you snorkel. We were snorkeling on the 3rd largest barrier reef in the world, so it seemed surreal the whole time having never seen blue water in my life and then seeing that. When you get to the real deep areas its a terrifying, beautiful experience. Watching the sea floor drop down about 50 feet and thinking about the sluggish leviathans that rule the deep will probably get your heartbeat going. Of course if you spot a shark that will work wonders, too. I actually didn't see any sharks, although I tried by swimming about 300 yards away from the group away from the barrier reef, but I saw a ton of fish I have never seen before and a couple monster size fish that were just wandering around in no particular direction. Maybe a song is in order? Oh yeah I can hear it now...."you're my sexy little fish lady swimming around with your big empty eyes and shaking your fin my way, oooo la la la"

Adventure to Key West (Part 2)

As we pass the scene of the accident by the off-ramp to a rest station, and now in a state of panic my mother picks up her cell phone, her hands shaking violently. She dials Poppop's number to make sure it was just a coincidence.......ring..............that the bike on the tow truck is another bike just like his.....ring.............and that he is safely riding his look-a-like bike a few miles ahead of us......ring.....his phone picks up. "Hello, mam, my name is Trooper Bonner with the Florida State Police". All our worst fears were confirmed in that moment. We cut across the 75 MPH traffic to the far left lane where we made a u turn a few miles down in the "Ambulance Only" U-turn through the median. We then had to pass the accident in the opposite direction and make another U turn to get back. We pulled up and all jumped out quickly. I walked over to the tow truck and started investigating the damage on the bike and the marks it left on the asphalt. My mother ran over to the squad car and started talking to the officer inside. From the scratches it looks like he must have been going 50 when he crashed...not a good sign at all. The officer told us he was at a nearby hospital, so we hopped back in the Lincoln and followed him to the hospital.

We stepped into a small room where Poppop was laying on a sterile looking bed with white sheets. He looked up at us with an exhausted smile and said something to the effect of "well, that was fun". It turns out, according to the doctor, he had no major injuries. A bruised buttock and a concussion were the only damages he incurred. For a 50 MPH crash on the side of a major highway, it was nothing short of a miracle. Trooper Bonner (almost bone-er, heh heh) walked into the room after his diagnosis and said "Hey Paul, Im going to need to ask you a few questions". As a short interrogation ensued, we stood in the room, pensively engaged at the dialogue between the officer trying to find who was at fault and our concussed Poppop. After the questioning, officer Bonner, with a slight air of patronization, made a strong suggestion to Poppop that maybe he should consider purchasing a smaller bike, as the Honda Goldwing is one of the heaviest bikes available. Poppop, even as he lay there in a hospital bed from his bike, stubbornly dodged the suggestion and retorted with something to the effect of "yeah, maybe Ill think about it"...

We met up with Zip out in the lobby of the hospital and got Poppop into Lincoln, where he instructed us we had to go back to the place where the bike was towed to inspect the damage. Im pretty sure by that point, we were all a little ready to be done with the bike, but we drove about an hour back up the way we came to see the damage. (Keep in mind we haven't even gotten to our destination yet and we had been on the road for almost 19 hours in the last two days). So after some old man grumbles and off the wall ideas of how to get it driving again, we convinced Poppop he must accept defeat and leave it. And we did. We high tailed it out of there, put him on a plane back home and we finally got to Key West at about 2:30 A.M.

I would tell you how the gigs went, but Im sick of writing.

The Adventure to Key West (Part 1)

So as some of you know my agent called me up and asked me if I wanted to play a series of shows at in Key West, Fl at Jimmy Buffet's own Margaritaville. But I wouldn't be going alone. My grandfather aka Poppop, his good ol' navy buddy Zip, my mom and her friend Janice. We decided not to fly. Now by "we" I mean "my mother" since she developed a flying phobia a fews year back. I was mostly indifferent since I wasn't thrilled with the idea of an airline making me check my guitar after I heard a horror story from a friend about a traveling musician who watched his checked guitar come around on the conveyer belt at the baggage pick up with its next broken off and hanging out of his destroyed gig case. Now with all of the luggage we would have it would be a real tight fit for the five of us, even in the SUV Linconln CR-X (with extra trunk space) we would be taking. But not to worry, Poppop and Zip would be traveling a different way. Despite my families best efforts to convince them not to, Poppop would be meeting up with Zip halfway and they would be riding their motorcycles. Keep in mind Poppop owns a Honda Goldwing. For you un-motorcycle riders, this is NOT a small bike. Well over 1,000 pounds, this baby sports AC, a radio, CD player, windshield wipers....I wouldn't be suprised if it had a sunroof and 4 wheel drive (somehow). Now, 1,400 Miles on motorcyles at 75 years old didn't make a large part of the family happy, but there is no arguing with a couple military men on a mission.

Poppop had already left more than an hour before us since he was coming from Upper Malboro about 50 miles north of us. We were coming from Leonardtown. I have to say that 6:00 A.M. is a terrible time. I would have woken up at noon and just driven the 1,400 miles non-stop, but you can't always get away with these type of all-or-nothing style scheduling when you bring family. I wish there was a Country wide decree that it is not legal for anyone to do anything at 6:00A.M. unless they are still awake from the night before. Nonetheless, my day started there. Like a malnourished POW, I shuffled to the car with my cables, guitar, clothes and thankfully, my Tempur-Pedic pillow (yes). A little morning chatter between sips of coffee amongst the husbands and wives and the three of us, my mom, Janice and I, were off to Key West.

The first few hundred miles looked like this:



Beautiful. My guitar kept my mind at bay, although at times it was hard to concentrate on what I was playing with all the beautiful scenery distracting me. (sarcasm). So hours pass and I basically take a short nap every hour or so. More than half way to the half way point, I over hear Janice and my mother talking about stopping to eat at McDonalds. Instantly I express my fervent objection to this, as I have seen "Supersize Me" and have vowed that day forth to never, ever eat anything at McDonalds for the rest of my life. On top of that, I remember being a kid on trips up north to visit family and stopping at McDonalds, only to feel like a woodchuck was giving birth in my stomach. So it took about 7 or 8 minutes to rant enough to change the choice of stop, but it was a successful attempt.



Not today, fat kids.

We got to our half way point at about 8 and stayed with their friend, Sam and her little Cocker Spaniel, Zoe. It was a quaint little beach house engulfed by large sweeping trees covered in spanish moss. It had perfectly manicured grass in the front and a figure eight shaped pool in the back, a great place for a summer escape or a break from a twelve hour drive. Poppop had finally reached Zips and would be leaving with him the next morning about an hour ahead of us.
I fell asleep immediately, at about 10, the earliest I have fallen asleep since I was in high school. Somehow by the time I wake up, even though I have assuredly fallen asleep before everyone, the house is moving with the sound of percolating coffee, soft chatter about weather, ceramic mugs clinking in a stainless steel sink. I guess there is some unspoken rule of biology that as you age, you just wake up earlier and earlier regardless of what time you fall asleep. Again, I am not really happy to be awake at 6 A.M. but the extra sleep made it a little more bearable. As we are getting ready, Sam busts out an old fashioned tape recorder so that we can play a tape that instructs us how to properly enjoy the tourist sites of Florida. Very old fashioned. We had to spend about 25 minutes opening up the back to wrap a rubber band around some of its little tape recorder gears where a belt once was. When we finally got it "working" and hit play on the tape, it was a horrible warbling you would swear was the voice of Joan Rivers in a later stage of Parkinson's or someone strangling a duck that was trying to speak English. So with our decrepit tape recorder with the intelligible instructions, we continued on our journey to our destination.

So we were a few hours into our second day (about 11AM) and I awake from a nap to hear my mother and Janice talking about the traffic report LCD warning of an accident a few miles ahead. As we pass the scene of the accident, we see the same motorcycle my grandfathers has, lying on its side, surrounded by police cars.